Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness: the three fundamental rights affirmed as the basis of the American revolution.

So basic, these values form the foundation of emotional and spiritual happiness for every human being.

So ironic, that these values restate the genetic makeup of every human being. Everyone has value just by existing, makes his or her own decisions because no one else can except when someone else has physical control over a person, and thinks and does things his or her own way because it is the only way a person has. We can do no other than exist, decide what to do (even though out of awareness, as with how to walk, for example), and do it our own way.

Our relationship with others creates meaning in life, and also is the source of frustration and disappointment. How to survive is genetically built into our brain; how to have loving, close relationships has to be learned and then stored in our midbrain.

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Thelma F. Dixon Murphy, Ed.D., pychotherapist, clinical supervisor, and teacher:

"In my opinion, The Spiritual Connection reveals some profound thinking. I like the emphasis on acceptance and affirmation as basic keys to the power of the therapeutic relationship.

You have been profound in explicating your theory and extensive and inclusive with examples and quotations from authentic studies and crucial writers in the field. Your writing will apeal to the scholars among its readers.

This material could be read and re-read and could be the basis for extended study groups for the 'seekers' of depth understanding of the connections between psychotherapy and spirituality."

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Along the way we experience many relationshship issues of significance, based on how we experience ourselves, others, and how to have the most satisfying life. Some of those concerns are summarized in the following relationship checklist.

Relationship Checklist :
(issues addressed in The Spiritual Connection)

BEING IN TOUCH WITH FEELINGS

ACCEPTING YOURSELF AND OTHERS AS YOU ARE, NOT AS YOU WISH

Do you believe that one cannot be "too happy" and that good times do not require bad times to follow? Do you use anger as a signal to identify the problem to be solved? Can you distinguish between sadness from loss of self-esteem as compared to sadness from the loss of a loved one? Do you have alternatives to "fight-flight" as a way to solve problems and get what you want? Does fear and anxiety associated with your past experiences interfere with your present activities? Are you clear that anxiety results from your anticipation that something hurtful will soon happpen? Do you understand that when depressed you assume you are helpless in dealing with future negative events? BEING REALISTIC VERSUS IDEALIZING YOUR PARTNER Have you experienced "falling in love" as the chance to get the love you always wanted from your caretakers when growing up? Do you understand how you gain personal power to influence others by seeing them as they actually are rather than as you would like them to be? Do you think of letting others be the way they are as an opportunity or as a threat?

Do you see the decision to give up on getting what others cannot offer as a positive choice, rather than a personal failure? Do you view forgiveness as a benefit to the forgiver as well as to the forgiven? Do you sometimes become angry because others do not think, feel, or act they way you want them to? CONNECTIONS WITH OTHERS CAN BE BASED ON CHOICE, NOT NEED Do you believe that the way you think, feel, and act is the only way you can, at any given moment,? Do you understand that others cannot control what you think, feel, and do? Are you clear that "I choose you" is a more stable foundation for a relationship than "I need you?" Do you assume that you and not others are in charge of arranging what you need for your enjoyment of life? Do you know that it is better to be rejected early in a relationship rather than later?

Find the answers to these questions in
The Spiritual Connection: Values, Faith, and Psychotherapy.

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The author proposes that the healing power in all forms of psychotherapy flows from the fundamental values that are communicated by the therapist to the client. He sees this relationship, when it becomes therapeutically effective, as essentially a spiritual connection between the therapist and the client.

This book is a unique integration of spirituality and various systems of psychotherapy based on the common values imbedded in those systems. The focus on values shifts emphasis away from theoretical structures and technical procedures to the healing power of the emotional/spiritual communication within the therapeutic process. There is a growing awareness, even in the medical community, of the importance of the spiritual dimension as a healing force in psychotherapy and as a reality in life in general.

As stated in the forward by Dr. John Hinkle, Ph.D., on the faculty of Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary, "In an era when mental health professionals, among others, are becoming aware of the necessity for a re-examination of the topic of spirituality and values, this book will be of great interest to all who seek to be both informed and reflective with regard to the fundamentals of psychotherapy, healing, and spirituality, that is, growth in the context of wholeness.

"The actual or potential client, the student-in-training, the professional therapist, the practical theologian, the clinical supervisor, the teacher; each will be interested in the material presented in this book. The book should be required reading in all programs of counselor training, regardless of profession or specialization."

If you would like to know more about the contents of the book:

Read Chapter I or Table of Contents

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The Rev. Stanert L. Dransfield - Retired Minister of Pastoral Care and Counseling,
Marble Collegiate Church, New York, NY:

I wrote to thank Ben Conley for his 'pyramid of values' that help us find spiritual meaning in this 'tangled web of life.' He answered, "I do believe that as we align ourselves with what is true in the universe, we participate in God's plan and develop an inner peace that is an experience of a personal connection with God."

Hurrah! A psychotherapist who is not afraid to speak of things 'spiritual' or use the name of 'God!' I like what you say and the way that you say it!

Hedy Schleifer, M.A, LMHC, Imago therapist and workshop presenter:

How do we tap into and cooperate with the natural life-affirming universal power "wired into" every human being? Ben Conley has carefully studied and identified the basic spiritual values of human connectedness that allow for people to blossom into their fulness. His book becomes a trusted guide on the journey of how we heal and grow only in connection with another person."

Patricia Baldt, RN, CS, ASCW, social worker, nurse, and psychotherapist:

Conley eloquently demystifies the spiritual by presenting it in the therapist-client relationship as a crucial and naturalistic event. ... a 'must read' for training psychotheapists."

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